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“Are you the person the person you are looking for is looking for? Best of all, he offers the most practical and uncensored advice you will ever hear on this topic. If a couple shares a passion for the same foods, music, and sports teams, it makes sense they need to find out if that passion extends to the bedroom. But for the most part, that doesn't stop us, which brings us to our first "doesn't everybody know that? This is where I state the obvious, with a preposition at the end. You are sexually compatible with far more people than you are relationally compatible with. Losing interest in sex with someone isn't the same as being sexually incompatible. Thinking that if you met the "right person" everything would turn out "right"? In The New Rules For Love, Sex & Dating, Andy Stanley explores the challenges, assumptions, and land mines associated with dating in the twenty-first century. While adding a dose of physical involvement into the mix makes a relationship more exciting and enjoyable, it also makes it more complicated. Did it have anything to do with sexual incompatibility?Instead of chemistry and passion, there's tension and frustration. "I think we need to talk about our relationship." Women are often the first to recommend outside help. We shouldn't have to hire a counselor to keep us in love. And social media has made it easier than ever to wade through the options. The chemistry that fueled the right person mystique ebbs. (Continues...) Excerpted from The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating by Andy Stanley.
Focalism is the brain's tendency to magnify one thing to the exclusion of everything else. Once the sizzle subsides, somebody is going to wake up and wonder how he or she got into this mess. Makes you wonder if this right person phenomenon is nature's way of ensuring the human race survives even if relationships don't. Give up or soldier on in a lifeless, passionless relationship.Both parties begin looking for ways to return things to their former state. After all, that's what fueled things in the beginning. When I meet the right person, everything will be all right.We've all driven miles out of our way to get a favorite dessert, fast food sandwich, or specialty coffee. Similarly, we've tried our best to buy something, attend something, or contact someone that didn't work out. unfortunately, those very things get lost or downgraded in the bliss of "we're the exception to all the rules" passion. All the Wrong Options Before we move on, I want to go back to the "maybe a baby will help" idea.Twenty-four hours later, we were relieved that it didn't. Couples begin to believe no one has ever loved the way they love. Treating what's important as unimportant has a price tag. Perhaps you've already paid that tab a time or two. Bringing a baby into a troubled relationship is a bad idea for many reasons.
Not for the faint of heart, The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating challenges singles to step up and set a new standard for this generation. Looking for the right person is a great idea as long as you don't assume that finding the right person ensures everything will be all right. Not a single male reading this book will underline that statement. Which means if you're sexually involved with someone right now, the next time the two of you are in the middle of lovemaking, look each other in the eye and say, "You are one of a million! But sexual compatibility is not the litmus test for relational compatibility. Losing interest in sex with someone is always a manifestation of something else. My hunch is the root of your previous relational challenges was ... Chances are you would have addressed the relational challenges more quickly if you hadn't been physically involved.